


all that you need

by bucksnatalia



Series: soviet spouses drabbles [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: #BuckyNat Week, Bucky Barnes Is The Best Boyfriend, F/M, Fix-It, Infertility Trigger Warning, Marvel 616/MCU Crossover, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, No Spoilers, Post-Civil War (Marvel), mostly canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6587491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucksnatalia/pseuds/bucksnatalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Barton boys really love their Uncle Bucky, and after a comment from Clint, Natasha starts to worry that Bucky might want some of his own - and she hasn't told him yet that that might be a problem.</p><p>It's just not a conversation she likes to have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all that you need

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for infertility mention. I know this can be a delicate topic for many people, so please keep that in mind. 
> 
> This is not a Brutasha-friendly drabble. 
> 
> Takes place over two years after Civil War, working under the assumption that Bucky and Natasha have been in a relationship for at least a year and had been in a relationship prior to that while Natasha was in the Red Room, although everything else follows the MCU timeline. No spoilers for Civil War other than a vague mention (also ignores a major spoiler from the end of Civil War if you know what it is - if you don't, you don't need to worry about it). 
> 
> Written for Buckynat Week 2016: MCU Wednesday!

 “Uncle Bucky!”

Bucky and Natasha were standing just inside the Barton home, smiling pleasantly at Clint and Laura – the men were in the middle of shaking hands - when the squeaky voice caught their attention. Bounding around the corner in all of his pudgy toddler glory was Nathaniel Pietro Barton, all smiles and arms extended towards Bucky.

“Hey, buddy!” Bucky greeted the little boy, bending down to scoop him up into his arms with a smile just as bright. “You’re getting so _big_.”

He and Natasha had been in the area for a mission – so, naturally, once the mission had ended they felt it was necessary to pay a visit. Bucky hadn’t forgotten how understanding Clint had been over two years earlier, when the Accords turned Avengers against one another – and most people weren’t particularly fond of him.

They hadn’t become instant friends, but Natasha was close with the Barton family. When Bucky and Natasha started spending more time together, he became close with the Bartons, too.

So close that their youngest _adored_ him – but he wasn’t complaining.

“Nathaniel,” Laura said in a gentle voice, “Aren’t you going to say hello to Auntie Natasha?”

“Hi, Auntie Nat,” Nathaniel said softly.

Natasha laughed, playfully ruffling the boy’s hair and leaning to kiss his chubby cheek. “Hello, little one.”

“Uncle Bucky, can we go play magnets?” the child asked, and the adults all laughed.

“Well, since you asked so _nicely_ ,” Bucky replied, and offered an apologetic smile to the others as he began walking towards the kitchen. “Duty calls.”

“He’s named after me, you know,” Natasha called after them.

Bucky sounded amazed as he turned the corner, looking over his shoulder to respond, “I didn’t know your name is Nathaniel!”

A beat passed before Laura turned back to Natasha and said, “Drink?”

Natasha dropped her bag on the floor with a thud. “Please.”

* * *

Clint, Laura, and Natasha were all gathered in the living room with glasses of lemonade while Bucky let little Nathaniel Barton set magnets from the refrigerator on his arm.

“He’s so good with Nate,” Laura commented softly, glancing into the kitchen. Bucky was leaning against the counter where Nathaniel was seated, keeping a careful eye to make sure the young boy didn’t fall, all while smiling and laughing with him. “Cooper’s been asking about him, too.”

“Has he?” Natasha asked, and when Clint nodded she scoffed in feigned hurt. “I’ve been replaced as the favorite.”

“You have not been replaced,” Laura laughed, but the sound was drowned out by Nathaniel’s childish giggling. The three of them glanced over again to see “BUKY” spelled out in letter magnets on Bucky’s arm. Nathaniel happened to be very proud of himself. “You just have a little competition.”

“Ugh.” Natasha was staring into the kitchen, pouting dramatically. “I miss when he didn’t have a favorite and just smiled at everything.”

“Nate or Bucky?” Clint asked, raising an eyebrow as he sipped his lemonade.

“Yes,” was all Natasha said in response.

Clint snorted.

“He really is good with the kids, though,” Laura repeated thoughtfully, watching her son with affection.

“He did have younger sisters,” Nat said, and then shrugged. “He doesn’t remember them very much, but he must’ve at least retained the ability to deal with children.”

“Must’ve,” Clint agreed, and turned a teasing grin on his friend. “You two ever talk about settling down?”

“James and I?” Natasha questioned incredulously, and shook her head. “No, no, no, no. That’s a topic of conversation we’ve been avoiding at all costs.”

“Really?” Laura asked in genuine surprise. “You’ve never thought about it?”

“Thought about it? Sure. But we’re both too involved with work for that sort of thing.” Clint and Laura were staring at Natasha as if that answer didn’t please them, and she shrugged again as if she didn’t know what else to say. “There’s too many dangers involved.”

“There are ways to keep it secret,” Clint reminded her, motioning with a finger around him as if to indicate the entire house. “False names. Remote locations.”

“Not to mention you’re both super-assassins,” Laura added supportively, “If anyone could keep a family secret and safe, it’s the two of you.”

With a sigh, Natasha looked over at Bucky once more to make sure he wasn’t listening, before saying softly, “He doesn’t know.”

There was a hesitation before Clint’s eyes widened in understanding. “About…?”

Natasha nodded gravely.

Laura seemed confused. “Wait, I thought you two have known each other since –”

“Since training in the Red Room, yes,” Natasha replied, nodding, “But it’s not something he needed to know. He was there to train, that was all, and I never thought it was necessary to tell him. It’s not like we were thinking about settling down back _then_.”

“And… now?” Clint asked.

For a moment, Natasha seemed at a loss for words. “Now I’m not sure.”

“Sorry I brought it up,” Clint said sheepishly, sipping from his glass. Though he was known for being less than serious, he meant it this time.

“No, you’re fine,” Natasha said, waving him off insistently. “I just… hadn’t really thought about it before, I guess.”

The front door opened then, and the two older Barton children plowed through the door excitedly with their backpacks still on. They must’ve noticed the extra car in the driveway, because they seemed to already be looking for the visitors the moment they stepped inside.

“Auntie Nat!” Lila called, running into the living room. Natasha barely had enough time to set her glass down before the young girl had thrown her arms around her.

Cooper looked his father straight in the eye. “Is Bucky here, too?”

Clint jerked his head towards the kitchen with a little smile, and Cooper took off running.

“Bucky!” he shouted, and as Natasha turned her head to watch he jumped into Bucky’s open arms. Bucky was grinning brightly, one arm wrapping around the boy while the other ruffled his hair.

“Hey, kiddo,” he greeted with a laugh, “You got big, too. What is it with you kids? You’re almost as tall as me. That’s not allowed.”

“Mom says I’m gonna pass Dad by next year.” Cooper pulled away, although one of his hands curled into Bucky’s sleeve as he added eagerly, “Can I show you my science project?”

“Science project?” Bucky repeated, shoulders suddenly perking up. “Hell yeah. I love science.”

Cooper beamed and began dragging him out of the kitchen. “C’mon!”

With his free arm, Bucky scooped Nathaniel off the counter, holding him on his hip. The child didn’t seem to have any objections. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

As Natasha watched over Lila’s shoulder, the three of them disappeared, leaving a trail of laughter in their wake – something that usually warmed her heart, but was now creating a sinking feeling in her stomach. James _loved_ these kids, and they loved him – and Natasha knew theirs wasn’t the sort of life he wanted, always fighting, always feeling that lingering thought that maybe this time they won’t both make it back home. She knew he wished they could settle down someday. It could only be a matter of time before he brought it up.

And then what would she tell him?

“Auntie Nat, I drew you something,” Lila said, interrupting her thoughts.

Natasha pulled back and looked down at the little girl in her arms, smiling brightly. “Did you, now?” she asked, gently pinching her cheek, “I’d love to see.”

Lila nodded and skipped away, and Natasha slumped back in her seat, suddenly dreading the conversation she knew she was going to need to have.

It was time James knew.

* * *

 Natasha was on her way to her car, having just left a briefing with Maria Hill, when her phone rang.

Unlocking the door and pulling the phone out of her pocket, she smiled as the name “James” flashed across the screen, along with a picture of the two of them. His arm was draped over her shoulders, hand holding onto one of hers, and she was leaning up to kiss his cheek. It was one of her favorite pictures of them.

Sliding into the front seat, she answered, “Hello, James.”

“Hey,” he replied, sounding overly pleased with himself. “Guess what I’m doing.”

Natasha started the car, a smile spread over her lips. “What?”

“Laundry!” Natasha could practically see him sitting on the bed with the phone propped between his ear and shoulder, folding their shirts and looking far too excited about the fact he was doing something so _normal_ for once.

“Wow,” she responded in a teasing voice, “How completely ordinary of you.”

“Right?” he said with a laugh, “Also, I _may_ have attempted the kitchen…”

“Am I bringing home pizza, or Chinese?” Natasha said automatically.

“Chinese, please,” Bucky said brightly, “How did the briefing go, by the way?”

“It was fine,” Natasha replied, “But I have to drive now. I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright,” he said, and added softly, “Love you.”

She smiled. “I love you, too.”

“Extra soy sauce, please!”

“Good _bye_ , James.”

* * *

 The door of the apartment opened, carrying in the scent of their dinner – so of course it only took James a moment to appear.

“Hey,” he greeted, stepping towards Natasha with a smile. As he bent to kiss her, his hand slipped the bag with their food out of hers.

“Hey,” she replied, tilting her head back to accept the kiss. “Do I want to know what you’ve done to the kitchen?”

“It’s already cleaned up so no one will _ever_ know,” Bucky said quickly in a low, serious voice, and then immediately broke out into a grin again as he started back toward the table.

Natasha followed him, dropping her purse at the door. The smile she’d worn when she first saw him and slipped away, and she was looking anywhere but at him. “James…”

He was already pulling their food out of the bag, setting them in their places. “Yeah?”

“I need to talk to you about something.”

Bucky froze. “Do I need to be worried?”

Natasha sat down at the table. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

He _looked_ worried. Sitting down, he leaned a little closer to her, resting a hand on the table – a silent offer, if she needed it, as a reminder that he was there if she needed _him_. “What’s going on?”

The feeling of dread had returned. Natasha took a deep breath, still not quite looking at him. “James… have you ever thought about settling down?”

He blinked. “Well, yes. You know I have.”

“I know you’d rather live in the countryside than the city,” Natasha said, shaking her head, “I know you’d rather spend your time taking walks in the park than out on missions. That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what _do_ you mean?”

“I mean…” Finally, Natasha forced herself to look up at him. He was staring at her intently, but not without confusion. Slowly, she took his hand. “Have you ever wanted… more?”

“More? Like what?”

“I saw you with Cooper and Nate the other day,” she said, regretting even bringing it up more and more every second – but it was a conversation they needed to have. “I just… was wondering if –”

“If I want to have _children_?” Bucky sounded shocked. “Is that what you’re asking me?”

Natasha suddenly felt so vulnerable. Her voice was weak when she asked, “Do you?”

He leaned back in his chair, careful to keep his hand in hers. “I don’t know. Not right now. Someday, when we're both in the right state of mind, maybe. Why?”

 _This would’ve been easier if you’d said no and stopped there_ , Natasha thought, biting her lip. “Because I… I have to tell you something and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”

Suddenly, Bucky’s eyes went very wide. “Natasha… I know you're never supposed to ask this, but... are you–?”

It hit Natasha only a moment after Bucky – what it _sounded_ like she was saying – and she immediately cut him off. “No! No, I’m not pregnant. I… can’t be.”

That seemed to relieve him, but only briefly. “What do you mean you _can’t_ be?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I can’t,” Natasha said, choosing her words carefully. “Ever. The Red Room made sure of that.”

Bucky’s hand tightened around her own, and he leaned forward again, murmuring, “Natasha…”

As if afraid of what he might say, she kept going. “It was to avoid distractions. That’s what they said, anyway. It meant we wouldn’t abandon the Room to start a family. We could keep on working for them, that way. We could keep killing for them.” She took a deep breath and was suddenly aware that she was shaking. “I saw you with the boys and I had to tell you. It wouldn’t be fair to you to – to let you think I can give you that. You deserved to know that I can’t.”

“ _Natasha_ ,” Bucky repeated, standing.

Her heart was pounding, her throat felt tight – he must’ve thought the worst of her. For a moment she thought she should try to explain, only to realize there was nothing more _to_ explain, and all that she managed was a broken, “I’m sorry.”

Much to Natasha’s surprise, rather than storming away, or shouting at her – or worse, saying nothing at all – Bucky wrapped his arms around her and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “You have _nothing_ to be sorry for.”

Natasha gasped in shock, pulling away to stare at him in disbelief. “What?”

Crouching down, he lifted his hands to cup her cheeks and wiped his thumbs under her eyes – she hadn’t even _realized_ she’d started crying. “Why would I be upset with you? You didn’t ask for this. You don’t need to apologize for something you had no control over.”

“So, you don’t…” Natasha’s voice broke, and she had to pause a moment to try to regain her composure – but the memory of the last time she’d told someone her secret creeped in the back of her mind, making that impossible. “You don’t think I’m a monster?”

“Natasha,” Bucky whispered, looking at her with the utmost sincerity, “There are very few things you could say that would ever make me think that.”

Before she even realized she was doing it, Natasha threw her arms around him.

Bucky wasn’t arguing. His arms wound around her, and he kissed her cheek and gently hushed her as she cried. “It’s alright,” he promised softly, “It’s alright.”

They stayed like that for a long moment before Natasha finally pulled away. She almost _never_ let herself be so vulnerable and open with anyone – even with James, it was sometimes hard. “What happens if you _do_ end up wanting children?”

“If it comes to that,” Bucky said, carefully taking her hands in both of his, “We can always adopt. That’s an option.” Gently, he raised her hands to his lips, kissing the knuckles before he looked back at her again with a small grin. “Or we could just get a dog.”

Beside herself, Natasha actually laughed. “I think you mean a cat.”

“No,” Bucky whispered, as if that was the worst thing she’d said this whole time. “She can’t be a cat person. Dear God, don’t let her be a cat person.”

With another laugh, Natasha wiped her eyes with one hand and shoved his shoulder with the other. “Idiot.”

“An idiot who loves you,” Bucky corrected her, and he leaned up to kiss her. “No matter what.”

Natasha kissed him back. It felt as if a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders – and to know that nothing had changed between them, that he thought no less of her, that - to him, at least - she was no monster, left her feeling like she could breathe easily again.

Taking his head in her hands, she looked at him through finally clear eyes.

“I love you, too.”


End file.
